Diary entries from a odd friendship
by Khorose
Summary: Danzo expected a lot of things in his life, but not one of them involved being trapped in the middle of nowhere because of a madman, or a blonde jinchuuriki wanting to be... his 'friend'. Hiruzen must be laughing in his grave right now...


**Warnings: Humor and madness**

**Pairings:...? Can't think of any D:  
**

**Summary: Danzo expected a lot of things in his life, but not one of them involved being trapped in the middle of nowhere because of a madman, or a blonde jinchuuriki wanting to be... his 'friend'. Hiruzen must be laughing in his grave right now...  
**

**Disclaimer: I-I'll never own Naruto *sniff* ;n;  
**

**Beta Reader/Author: Khorale. Were the best of friends :3  
**

"Talking"

_Thinking  
_

**"Biju/Demonic talking"  
**

**_Biju/Demonic thinking/Jutsu_**

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**Diary entries from a odd friendship  
**

**Chapter zero: Prologue  
**

* * *

It was a warm day in Otogakue. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and a madman was laughing... Wait what? The main reason of this madman's laughing was simple. Watching from the shadow's while looking at his soon to be new body. But not just any body, but an Uchiha's body, complete with the fully manifestation of the sharingan and broodingness all into one package. Even if the young Uchiha teen was slightly insane... and staring at that little furry weasel that just popped out of the whole in the ground a little to much... "Itachi..." The young teen whispered a little like a person that had escaped from an insane asylum. The little weasel's head snapped in his direction with big innocent eyes. "I. Will. Kill. You!" He declared while activating his sharingan. Suddenly, there was a thwack, and Sasuke barely registered a pain on the back of his head, before he fainted.

* * *

Sasuke woke up groggily only to find that he was tied up with Chakra-surpressing rope. He nearly gave a girly shriek as he saw eyes from the darkness staring at him. The shadowed figure quickly gagged him, and flicked on the lights. The shadows cleared, and it was revealed that the madman was actually Orochimaru. The snake Sanin gazed hungrily at his prey, golden eyes intent on the bound teenager before him. "Ahh, Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru grinned, "You must be curious to what you're doing here today. Bound and gagged inside my room with no escape. Yessss..." Sasuke's eyes grew increasingly wide as he came to his conclusion. "You see Sasuke-kun, I've found this particular interesting disc next to you as you fell." While holding up the disc in the light as if it was the answer to everything, Orochimaru again started to cackle like a madman. Random thunder could be heard outside in the night, only making the laughter even more frighting.

Sasuke in question only gave it a confused look. He seemed to be frozen in time as a flashback attacked his mind.

Orochimaru stopped his laughter of evilness and looked at him in confusion at first, before he slightly rolled his eyes. _I swear he's been having to much of those lately._ He thought slightly.

* * *

Minion one blinked as he picked something from the ground. Something smooth, doughnut-shaped, and reflects light. "Is that... A frizbee?" Minion one gasped, coming to a onclusion that made no sense at all. He went to the other minions currently two, three and negative two hundred and seventy two, and told them the news. "Duuuuuude... Look what I found..." He exclaimed. He sounded a bit high though. The other minions looked at him, then at the strange flat doughnut-shaped thingy...

"Minion one, what is that...?" Negative two hundred and seventy two asked.

"It's a frizbee!" Minion one declared.

"Um..." Minion three, the most reaonable of the group, said. "It's shaped like a doughnut, look like a mirror, and you think it's a frzzbee?"

"Yes of course I think it's a frizbee!" Minion one said. Flailing his arms as if he was set on fire, nearly hitting minion's two and negative two hundred and seventy two seeing as they were only getting close to look at it more carefully.

Minion three just rolled his eyes. Not believing this for one second. "Minion one... That can't possibly be a frizbee. It looks like it could cut someone's head off if given the right angle... Or at least put someone in a coma. Not to mention it's made of glass... What kinda frizbee is made of glass?"

"Just watch me prove that this is a frizbee!" Minion one shouted defiantlantlh before hurtling it away with all his strength.

The disk happens to hit Sasuke, who simply fell limply with a thud.

The three minions gulped.

* * *

Sasuke blinked very slowly at the new information, before glaring at nothing in particular. _Those damn minions._ He thought viciously, _trying to put me in a coma. I am the last Uchiha! I am so much more superior to them. Me, who has to avenge everything for some reason I myself am not fully aware of... Me who will soon after my revenge will take someone to have my babies and will become my hus- er I-I mean... Wife... Yeah..._

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he decided to look at the perverted snake, only to see Orochimaru missing. The room was empty except for himself.

_Where is he..._ The Uchiha princess... I mean Uchiha prince questioned.

Meanwhile a certain evil madman was whistling a happy tone while putting on some popcorn in the microwave. Honestly though, he didn't understand how they had electricity... Oh well! More popcorn for him~

After grabbing the popcorn and sake, he prepared to head back into his room. He just hoped that Sasuke wasn't having another one of his episodes where it involves killing Itachi who destroyed his clan because they denied him pocky and blah blah blah. Whatever. Sasuke didn't seem to believe in that pocky theory though... He believed that his _evil big brother_ massacred his clan, put him into a genjutsu, all for power and some other ** Itachi may have fed him that night.

Orochimaru knew Itachi from the time he was still in Akatsuki, and he knew what kind of man Itachi really was. Under the apathetic mask, beyond the dismissive air that seem to radiate off all Uchihas, Itachi was a pocky-lover to the core. Itachi loved pocky, Itachi worshiped pockey, Itachi couldn't live without the stick of biscuit covered with cream.

Orochimaru knew how psychotic the S-rank missing nin could get when deprived of his pockey. Let's just say the snake sanin was glad he only lost a arm that night, and nothing else. Slightly turning the door knob he prepared to see either two things, Sasuke staring at blank wall and having a flashback of a time when he was still a kid without any woes and suffering, or him glaring at the tv screen angrily. Sigh, sometimes he likes to think about what part of his life he screwed up to deserve this...

Sasuke was about to enter into another time where he was happy... A time when he was a little kid, with his big brother until he _killed everything_ and- oh the door opened.

"What do you want?!" he snarled. Oh, how the Uchiha hated being interrupted in something.

Orochimaru quietly sighed to himself while moving over to the coffee table to set the items on. He brightened up a bit in the end though. He has the Uchiha here, and a disc that who know's what can contain on it. Maybe something dirty or embarrassing perhaps. He hoped so very much. Maybe it was a ** show, or maybe a zombie movie full of blood and gore? Then again he never heard of any of those being called Saw... What they Saw he didn't know, but they will find out soon enough. Setting up the movie Orochimaru sat down on a really fluffy couch, and plopped Sasuke down beside him. The little Uchiha looked so cute like that, with his humiliated face and flaring sharingan eyes.

"Ah, how the mighty has fallen," he snickered, "Now Sasuke-kun, be nice and I'll feed you some popcorn." Sasuke looked ready to burst with anger.

* * *

Threw out the movie there was gory scenes, bloody scenes, messed up scenes and apparently... A little evil puppet on tv. "Hello Michael. I want to play a game." Sasuke rolled his eyes. That's what that puppet has been saying _everytime_. Isn't there something else it says instead of that. Apparently this Michael soon died because of that death mask he wore. Oh well...

"Hm, that wasn't all that that bad. A little bloody for my taste though." Orochimaru thought out loud. Sasuke eyed him a bit wearily. Not only because the bastard managed to finish that huge bottle of sake in record time, but because of it, he was now slightly swaying from the left to the right.

The truth was this movie was giving Orochimaru ideas. And when things usually gave him ideas, he would see it through to the end. Like that time he decided to invade Konoha. Even though he nearly lost his life, but got his arms amputated instead in the process, and not mention lost some of his best forces and Suna's trust, it was totally worth it.

Totally.

He didn't really care about the blood and such, but to kidnap your enemies while they secretly know there's no escape sounded perfect in his eyes. So in his slightly drunken mind, the serpent began to plan in his deep, dark cave. The first plan of action would be to kidnap two of his enemies, and humiliate them to the point of them giving up on living. It was perfect, it was manipulative, and it was totally cliche. But Orochimaru didn't know that last part. So the Otokage set out to plan, and had decided on his targets. "Sasuke-kun," he purred, watching the boy tensing, "You will be assisting me for a trip to Konoha... And be the bait."

Sasuke first glared at the serpent, wondering what exactly was his motives were. But knowing Orochimaru and Konoha... It couldn't be good, so as soon as the snake ungagged him, he voiced his reason. "And why would I want to help you in this... Quest of sorts...?" Orochimaru gave the look of shock, putting his extremely pale hand over his heart.

"Sasuke I'm shocked... You don't want to help?" He sounded soooo very hurt. The Uchiha in question just rolled his eyes at the scene in front of him. "And here I thought you wanted to see Naruto again... And to think, I was about to bring him here but... If you insist..."

"What!" Sasuke demanded again, but Orochuimaru had already gagged Sasuke again, and carried him merrily out the base.

And so began the travel to Konoha. A pedo serpent Uchiha fan, and... Some type of revenge seeking duckass bird. Konoha was in for a shock of her/his life.

* * *

Okay so I hope you liked the first chapter, things will start picking up latter on.

Oh and just a little something, did you know: According to the databook(s):

Danzō's hobbies were appreciating famous pictures, and keeping diaries.

Danzō's favourite food and drink was hijiki (which he shared with his rival Hiruzen Sarutobi) and genmaicha (brown rice tea), while his least favourite was warabimochi (jelly-like confection).

Danzō did not want to fight anyone in particular.

Danzō's favourite word was "fortitude" (不屈, _fukutsu_).

Hehehe, that's something else huh? xD


End file.
